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an active program of recovery, is there a difference? i had all kinds of wonderful things to say, before i realized that i missed the anniversary of the end of the life of a friend. i am now all about WTF, how could i be so forgetful and so cold, that i could miss that. as always my solution is to put a reminder on my calendar, as i am terrible about anniversaries of significant events in my life.
Brian, my friend, i hope you have found the peace that eluded that you could not find in those last days.
as i lamented last year and wondered what kind of “winner” i could, that was powerless to help someone dig themselves out of strife and turmoil they were living in, i was foreshadowing my experience and my hesitation with moving into the FIRST STEP. i could of course get maudlin here, or i can just chock it up to living a full life.
the question is tarted this whole mess off with, still rings in my head and after getting rid of my distractions, i guess i should venture down that road. what is the difference between working a program of active recovery and living one. semantically they are quite similar. for me, the difference is in a matter of degrees. working a program, is what i do automagically, to stay clean today. i GET to make a choice, on a daily basis and i survive another day clean. living a program, means that i do my best to enhance my recovery by identifying where i am falling a bit short and making the changes in real time. it is the difference, between mere survival and growing towards becoming something i never thought i could be.
moving into the circle of “winners,” seems to be a daunting task, and i often looked at this notion, as the means to separate myself from the pack. i could or would not do what was required, so i could never be a “winner.” taking a suggestion from one of my peers, i read this passage twice this morning, so i could suss what it was really saying to me. what i heard. is that despite my in omnipresent character defects, i can be a “winner,” even if i am far from perfect and still riddled with a shortcoming or two. it is progress towards the ideal and not the destination that i need to look at, so with that in mind, off to my next task of this day.
Brian i do miss you and my life is a little less full without you, but just for today i can remember who you were at your best and leave the rest on the dung heap of nevermore.

∞ DT ∞