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becomes my own true will for myself. so it has been a while since i pulled and reworked this little started and what i it mean to me, and how it applies today, probably has changed fifteen times. when one lifts something out of context, as the original quote does, it certainly can take on a whole different meaning. the original contains the statement, “ as we become more God-centered. God's will for us becomes…“ which does put a different twist on it. this morning, however, i am going to work with what i was given and leave pall the other contextual stuff that is the ELEVENTH STEP out.
over the course of the past seven days,some new ideas are being added to the trunk of my belief system as the structure of what was, is slowing being changed into the the what is. i guess, one could say, that as my belief structure about how the divine and spiritual is dismantled and as the new system is being constructed to be malleable and pliant, rather than structural, my will is beginning to harmonize with that of the POWER that fuels my recovery. the most glaring symptom of this paradigm shift, is my lessening desire to be wrong, or politically correct when comes to thinking, listening and describing the spiritual part of this program. i really do not care if my take on that side of the program offends others, and when i hear others share about their look into the beyond i am less judgmental and butt hurt.
well, once again, events have dictated that i walk away and get something else done, and now am coming back to this exercise in brain dumpery. i was starting to go down the route of shifts and changes as i harmonize my true will with the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, through the seemingly random dismantlement and destruction of a belief structure. i am beginning to see, that such a process has been going on, since the first time i worked the steps. slowly, as i am a stubborn cuss, i had to let go of what i thought was reality and come to terms with another take on the world as it may actually be. entitlement, expectations and seeking self-acceptance through the validation of others, was who i was. at the core, that notion still exists, but has lost its power to reign supreme. as i sat last night with a group of friends and peers, having a nice evening outside of my normal routine, i was struck by how little i know those folks, on a personal level. my perceptions were colored by that ancient rime of the way back when. moving into social situations is new and different for this isolator, and as i let go of what i thought i knew, i found myself enjoying the what is. the stories i told myself about them, were just that, a fiction i developed to keep myself apart from them, even though i had been going through the motions of being something more. part of my journey, away from theism and deism, has been to let go of what i though all things NEEDED to be, and seeing that fluidity NEEDS to be part of where i am going. perhaps one day, my path will return to that, but today, what i am feeling is that i can and do make my reality. with that as the underlying supposition, i can see that the path before me is hardly well-defined or cut through the stone.
today? well, today i am content to have some work before me, some time with two of the men i sponsor and perhaps a gar or two as the day progresses. what i know now, at least in this minute is life is worth letting go of my expectations about what i think is, and seeing what life may be in the will be. a good exercise for anyone and certainly a noble path for me in the here and now. so it is off into that “will be” journey i go.

∞ DT ∞