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HOWEVER, as i draw closer to the POWER that fuels my recovery, my values change. quite honestly, i victimized myself, and i see many of my peers doing the exact same thing. unfortunately, until they pull their collective heads out of a place where the sun never shines, there is very little hope that they will see what is going on.
the place i am talking about, is one of terminal uniqueness. i got there by believing that somehow, one little thing that my sponsor suggested about was not true, and from that seed, quite a mighty oak tree grew. it really was not a very slow progression from living a program of recovery, to altering a program of recovery to fit my life, and in the long run, it nearly killed me. i have had the very dubious honor of watching one of the men i sponsor slide into the morass of consequences, because he thought he was different, in all sorts of ways, and now, it may be years before he walks as a free man again. while the details are irrelevant, my failing here, was to ALLOW him to believe what he saw as slights and get all resentful over them, to the point he eliminated most of the people who wanted to help him, from his life. my plan, as his sponsor, was to wait until we formal started STEP SIX, to begin to address what i saw as a dangerous belief set, but that is not to be, at least not for quite some time. my HOPE for him now, is for him to survive with his physical health and mental acuity intact, but that may not be in the cards, and i am steeling myself for what may become a tragic ending. what i am taking away from this experience, is that i need to call them as i see them, when i see them, when i am asked to do so. i may not, as i am learning, get the chance to bring it into THE context i desire.
unfortunately, most of the time, those who are in the greatest need of my observation, are the ones who cannot or will not ask for my opinion. i have learned that wasting my time and breath, on those of my peers in such a state, is a waste of both my and theirs, time and energy. who really wants to start their clean time over, the day AFTER they remove themselves from drug replacement therapy. after all, they can rationalize, it was prescribed and monitored by a medical practitioner, so it is not using, is it? the picker and choosers do not want to hear that in this fellowship there is ONLY one promise, and that is FREEDOM FROM ACTIVE ADDITION. and those whose live are too full, to come to meeting, cannot hear that as they drift further from seeing where they came from, they approach the shoals of calamity, with great dispatch. it is not until they are there, that something happens that wakes them up to the fact that they are addicts and if they want what the program has to offer, than they need to do what the program suggests they do.
nevertheless, it is time to get rolling out on this Saturday morning. what the fVck is the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery for me today? dunno, but i am certain more will be revealed as my day goes on. life, it seems, is like that for me, all i have to do is PAY ATTENTION!

∞ DT ∞