Blog entry for:

guided by an inner knowledge given to me by a HIGHER POWER, i want to live out my newfound values.
no matter what i discover them to be. what i really like about this reading this morning is the comparison of behavior based on the spiritual principle of honesty. the example of being ‘cash register honesty,’ was one i could grasp easily in early recovery and still rings true to this day. for me it is one of the best examples of how my life has changed. although i could regale you of tales of woe and misery from my life in active addiction, suffice it to say that any kind of honesty was not part of my repertoire when i was using. nor was honesty on of the values i ascribed to in early recovery. yes the cash register example came out in the wash very quickly as i discovered that i had more than enough money for what i wanted after i stopped using. so it was a matter of being practical rather than being spiritual. the last thing i wanted was new charges for shoplifting piled on the charges i already was facing the consequences for. so fear of greater involvement of the judicial system in my life, created a whole new set of values that i grudgingly lived by. since the judicial system was my HIGHER POWER back in those days, this reading does apply, their will for me was for me to stop using and stay out of legal trouble, and i quickly internalized that will, once i got desperate enough to actually want some recovery.
it is quite a leap from that higher power and its will for me, to the HIGHER POWER whose will i listen for today. across the span of days that comprises my recovery, those early lessons in listening for and internalizing the will of a POWER GREATER THAN I has made this process a whole lot easier. by the time i was cut loose from the judicial reins, i was actually in a place where i could make a decision whether or not to accept the will of my HIGHER POWER or return to a life of self-will and fighting the will of GOD. my decision back then was to surrender to the fact that i was an addict, and do whatever it took to stay clean no matter what. accepting that value as my own true will set the stage for me to continue to recover to this day. i can accept a whole lot more now than i could ever accept way back when and i am coming to understand that all along, my own true will for me has been GOD’s will for me.
so off to the races into the surprise spring snow and into yet another day of learning what my true will is and what self-will is, quits a task but one i am up for today.

∞ DT ∞