Blog entry for:

cured is another word, for what i am not today. i am grateful that i can revel in that being the case. i read the news before i write this little ditty on most days, today being no exception. in my perusal of the headlines, i stumbled across a set of two diverse pictures of homes that were destroyed. one set was the damage inflicted by the tornadoes that graced our locale two nights ago. the other the damage inflicted on a home, by the Greenwood Village police force to get out one man, accused of shoplifting from Wal-Mart and armed with a hand gun. in the end, both structures are condemned and will need to be rebuilt. the homes up here, well nature has forces that are uncontrollable and certainly that we as mere human beings, are powerless to prevent. that stuff happens, and i am grateful that is not a daily occurrence. the destruction of an innocent bystanders home, by an over-reactive, aggressive and over-militarized police force, showing off their toys, well i may not have power over them, but the citizens, whose lives and property they purporting to be protecting certainly do. in the big picture, the damage they caused, far exceeded whatever the alleged perpetrator could have stolen from Wal-Mart and of course the result is an innocent family is out on the street, the home owner has to rebuild, and the cops have their man, the real question becomes, what is the value of catching a crook and when does the braggadocio and posturing need to stop. i am sure the cops PR guys will be all over this trying to spin, rationalize and justify their actions as NECESSARY to protect the community and whine that anyone who even thinks anything different is a “hater” and just does not “get it,” not unlike the stories we have been hearing time and again from across the nature coming from the law enforcement culture, that continues to pretend they can do whatever they choose to do, regardless of the consequences.before i get to carried away:

Rebecca K
CONGRATS on 6 years Clean.
Thank YOU FOR STICKING AROUND!

i know, WTF does this have to do with me believing that somehow i can be cured. that working enough steps, going to enough meetings, staying clean so many days in a row, should equal being able to join the other 85%, after all, is addiction not just another disease. the same sort of entitlement and twisting of the facts is needed to achieve the belief that i am cured, struck normal as it were. it boils down to me looking at the most obvious manifestation of addiction in my life, and ignoring everything else. yes, i used drugs obsessively and often against my will, BUT THAT WAS NOT THE PROBLEM, if that was i could walk away from recovery right now and join that other 85%. to believe that dope was my problem, prevents me from ever moving on, i am stuck in the lobby of a 1000 story skyscraper, lacking the ability to ever get to the top. no when i drop back into what the real problem is ADDICTION, i can see that dope was just an expression of that and my goal is to get to the observation deck at the top. addiction, not dope, crippled my ability to care and love. addiction, not dope, drove me into isolation. addiction not dope, is what i am recovering form today.
unlike those cops, once i re-frame the argument i see that my recovery cannot be measured by the number of days i have been abstinent, but where i have gone as a result, and even more importantly where i am going. i can be more than just another junkie, and i have the desire to do so, at least just for today. i do not need to cause a quarter of a million dollars of damage to arrest someone for stealing less than $1000, metaphorically speaking that is.

∞ DT ∞