Blog entry for:

of my own understanding. one year ago, i was finally coming to terms that the spiritual path i am on, is not the one my peers may necessarily be on as well. i was caught up in a battle of semantics with myself, and did not know how i could ever reconcile what i felt and how i saw the world with those of my peers, on whom i depend on for my recovery. what happened and continues to happen is that i had to find where our paths intersect and work on seeing the similarities and not the differences. i am the minority in my fellowship, but i have to be persecuted or prosecuted for my beliefs, unlike some of the shrillest members of our society today. me, like them are NOT victims of religious persecution, we are just moving away from the main stream, and once power begins to ebb, the whining starts.the truth is that they have spent their entire existence in society telling others how to live and judging those on others on how well they live up to a very narrow-minded and bigoted world view. it was my greatest fear when i started the transformation from mainstream spirituality, to where i am today. the persecution and judgement oi feared never materialized, in fact, most of my peers just went on their merry way, with barely a shrug and those that did not, wanted to know more. the courage i had to allow myself to feel, is because of my sponse, who has brought me to this incredible place.

Carlos G
my friend, my spiritual rock, my sponsor
THANK YOU for being here for 33 years
of 'Just for Todays'.

it may seem that i have “arrived” since now i have everything sewn up about how i see the spiritual side of my recovery and best of all how it fits with my friends, my peers and my acquaintances in the fellowship. what i have reached is a rest stop and after the stormy journey to arrive where i am. i know that my understanding of the POWER that fuels my recovery and how that POWER fits into my life and the lives of those around me, is still evolving. the permanent disaster of trying to fit in, has been removed and instead of a frozen landslide of resentments, just waiting to shift under a new set of conditions, i am now on solid ground.
as i took a brief interlude to shower off and while i was there, my mind drifted to the notion of entitlement. in this fellowship i am entitled to a GOD of my own understanding, and that is enforced to the letter of the law. other fellowships? not so much, but i need not go there. i am NOT entitled to cut-off traffic when i am trying to merge. i am not entitled to running a line of stopped cars and being let in at the front. just because i flip on my turn signal. i am not entitled to tell others how they should live their lives and discriminate against them, because they do not fit into my definition of “normal.” i am especially NOT entitled to force my particular sense of morality down the throats of others. the war on Christians is just a stripping of the oversized amount of power they have exercised for so many years. it is not a war per se, but rather a right-sizing to their proper place within our society, the time has come that what they believe is no longer point to be the law of the land, and i get why they are so upset about it and whining about their loss of privilege. those feelings of loss, are not dissimilar to the struggles i went through over the course of my 11TH STEP. it was my job to come to my fellowship, not my fellowship's job to come to me.
i revel in my differences today and am quite content using the terms, GOD, prayer and yes even blessings, although none of the terms are actually part of my spiritual path. i use those terms, along with the accommodations i make in my definitions of those terms BECAUSE i choose to be a part of my fellowship, rather than apart form them.
this morning as i pack this up and get ready to head on over to Boulder for my home group meeting, i am also quite certain that this little rest stop is just that a stopping and resting place, and i certainly have much more left to discovery about my new path and how to be a part of my fellowship. as it often is said, more will be revealed and i am excited what that may mean today.

∞ DT ∞