Blog entry for:

of my individuality as well as that of my peers, is what probably attracted me to this fellowship way back when i had to choose just one program. just to be clear, there was no fellowship police that arrested me and made me choose, the choice to make a choice was mine and mine alone. i can say that without a doubt, i had tired of what i was hearing from the members of the fellowship i left behind. in fact it had gotten so bad that every time one of the old-timers said that they spilled more than i ever drank, i would automatically respond, “too bad you were such a sloppy drunk. i am certainly glad i am not you!” even in the fellowship i find myself in today, there are members who still use the old and tired tropes of the one i left behind, as if they think that repeating the same shit over and over and over again will attract someone to recovery.
it is here that i found my sponse and although it took four years to get over my ”shock and awe” of who he was and the shadow i thought he cast, it had to be part of my journey to arrive where i am today.

Carlos G.
Forty (XL) years clean.
Congrats my friend and sponsor.

i know today, that i certainly owe one of my home group members a huge benefit of the doubt and it is time to get over my bad self and welcome him, into my life. unlike the former sponsee who is languishing in prison, who i do owe a letter to, but i have yet to fins the words to be brutally honest with him, without being brutal. those words will come, of that i am quite sure, just not yesterday and more than likely not before i head out to the cigar store for an afternoon of conversation and relaxation in a smoke-filled room.
moving into the here and now, i am quite content with who i am today. ever since i have come out from the shadow of the lie i lived with for half a century, i am finding more and more to like and yes even love about the person who i am becoming. there is still more to uncover, but that too will be on the schedule of the POWER that fuels my recovery. my job, is to stay awake, pay attention and grasp the opportunity when it presents itself, as that is how things work on my spiritual path, just for today.

∞ DT ∞