Blog entry for:

i have gone through all kinds of different phases with this topic. when i first came to recovery i certainly had a problem with the whole concept of a higher power of any sort. then i took a suggestion from my first sponsor. he made me look into my life and see what powers were greater than me, and keeping me clean. my inventory included my probation officer, my employer, my family, and the judge who gave me the three year sentence to abstinence from drugs. going over that brief list, he just sort of mentioned that maybe i should include the fellowship and then choose one of those as a HIGHER POWER. well as pissed-off as i was in those early days, the last thing i was willing to do was to give any more power to the justice system or my employer or my family than they already had! so that only left the fellowship! i had problems with the fellowship thing at first, after all how did i know that they were not lying about being clean! a bit of mind shift was required here. i was miserable about being abstinent and my life truly sucked BIG TIME.
so i finally reached that point of desperation, where i was willing to look for something more. i once again looked at the fellowship, only this time i looked at it in its entirety, rather than the sum of its parts. sure it was made up of human beings, but as a whole, they offered me a way of life that seemed to be more attractive than the shit my life was at that time. no matter how pissed-off i was they never told me to go away. and the most amazing part was that when i asked a question about how to do this whole recovery thing, they offered confusing but practical suggestions. so i finally had the first bit of acceptance that led to the continuing development of my HIGHER POWER. the evolution of that concept across the course of my recovery has led to all kinds of new insights and even today i more than likely use the term HIGHER POWER rather than GOD. but no matter what term i use, what i am saying is really shorthand for THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS. it is the power that provides me what ever tool or skill i need to maintain my recovery right now. so the time has come to leave the hotel room and see what the day will bring secure in the knowledge that whatever i choose to call it, A HIGHER POWER will provide the means for me to stay clean today!

∞ DT ∞