Blog entry for:

shy away from **the God stuff,** anymore. as i was deciding whether to write this now or later, it came to me, that some of the time, it is better to go with the flow. i decided to write this out, or at least get it started before heading down south for my day away from the cozy confines of my local fellowship. as i sat for way too long this morning, which again is part and parcel of being who i am, rigid, and controlling, my mind focused on one of my peers, that provides me a very positive example of how i do not want to live my life. it is not that i lack for material from the other side of the coin, i have plenty of peers who i wish to emulate and who live their lives in a manner that i would like to achieve. for instance:

Carlos G.,
thanks to your loving “misguidance,” i am where i am today.
Thank you and congrats for for 34 years clean.
It is an honor and a pleasure to have you in my life.

the joke is on me in that shout-out, and when i was proofing what i had written i realized what i had typed and left it there as a little bit of irony. so yes, my peers provide more than ample material for me to gauge my life and what to adopt as part of my path of recovery. these days i am especially laser-focused on how they carry a spiritual program into a material world. more importantly i am also focused on how they practice what they share about in the rooms. when someone asks me to pick a passage for a piece of literature, i read directly from the book in question and do not rely on my memory to paraphrase what i think that passage says. when someone asks me what my concept of GOD looks like, i tell them IT does not look like anything and IT looks like everything. when i think i have an issue with one of my peers, i do not send my surrogate in to ask them what is the problem. no i act in an adult-like manner and actually ask the person themselves. when it comes to seeking a concept of a HIGHER POWER, the men i sponsor, are given total and absolute freedom, at least form me. i am not one of those “borrow my HIGHER POWER, until you find yours,” kind of guy. i do not mix-in readings from my spiritual path, into my shares, and i am quite comfortable when i am the only person in the room, who sees their spiritual path, way differently than everyone else in the room. i do not have all the answers and in this instance i have an answer that is working for me, today. i believe that each and every one of my peers, is ENTITLED to find a path to GOD, that is their own. ah, but now i am getting into my polemic based on the FREEDOM i thought i was denied, way back when, so it is time to move along.
i am not a recovery tourist and it is true that i am not overly fond of those who seem to be. those who show up for their clean date once a year, or fellowship hop, do not provide me with anything but fodder for this little exercise. today, i can stop right there and remember that today, at noon, i am a visitor and a member. it is my responsibility to show up, be a part of and allow the events of the day to happen as they will. it is because i was given the FREEDOM to seek a HIGHER POWER that i can be a part of this life and have the opportunity to have days just like this.

∞ DT ∞