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for me, however, **God** was a troublesome word. as i grew in my recovery, and came to understand what i needed, the whole **GOD** concept started to make some sort of sense to me. well it has been one heck of a morning, got nearly 4 hours of billable time in already and it is just barely 9 AM. it is the clean date anniversary of my sponsor, so after a quick call to him, i need to do a shout out

Thank you for having 27 years clean today,
Carlos G
i am grateful you were here when i needed you

anyhow, where was i?
oh yeah, how the word **GOD** is and was a puzzling and sometimes contentious issue for me across the course of my recovery. i could go on and on about my doubts about the existence of any HIGHER POWER, or better still, how i was my own higher power, when i came to recovery, but i know i have written about both of those concepts many times before. i could write about my journey to date, and my accommodation and final acceptance of the whole HIGHER POWER concept, however that to is old hat. what i am feeling today, and what i heard this morning, is that no matter what i think, there is evidence that some sort of benign power is working for me, day in and day out, after all, i did survive the horrors of active addiction, relatively unscathed.
that POWER is accessible to me, and lately i have found myself saying "Good Morning" and "Good Night," when i start me daily prayers. the irony of that subtle change does not escape me, after all, it was less than a year ago when i was came to lose the belief that a HIGHER POWER possessed any human attributes. as i was falling asleep last night, i was wondering what was up with this tectonic shift in my prayers. i came to the conclusion, that it was me, and not my concept that had shifted. i NEEDED to make my prayers a bit more personable, and although it was a bit of my paradigm, it was comfortable to do so. i guess that means my paradigm, may be shifting, or i am in yet another phase of my spiritual journey, or perhaps it means nothing whatsoever.
anyhow, it is comfortable to do so, i am comfortable in my concept of a HIGHER POWER, and my FAITH that no matter what, I WILL BE GIVEN THE POWER TO STAY CLEAN TODAY. form that FAITH flows a whole bunch of stuff, and all of that i am grateful for this morning. so it is off to the next set of tasks and to see what else i can get done this morning.

∞ DT ∞