Blog entry for:

is that IT is the POWER that keeps me clean. alright, i admit it. i am pretty adamant about this subject. being one of those who was against everything that even had the whiff of organized religion to it, created quite a tizzy in my early recovery and still makes a wave or three in the rooms today. i am all about finding my own way here, and it may be detrimental to the men i sponsor, that they, too, find there own way here as well. i would argue, that it is not, but that to[pic is for another day. this morning i am grateful that i found a way to incorporate a belief in a POWER that fuels my recovery, into my ever so fVcking rational mind. that ratiionality, as well as my total resistance to the whole religion thing, did not end up preventing me from building an active recovery life, after all, i was one those who came in on a court card and ended up staying. in fact, i would argue, that all my resistance and my final acceptance, has made my recovery stronger and healthier. as i sit here, watching the sun rise over the ridge, i understand that the gifts i have today, come from a stroong and active recovery program, and that program is spiritually based on the principal that the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is for me to stay clean today. Speaking ow which:

Carlos, my friend and sponsor
congrats on 30 years clean!

yes, Virginia, there is long term clean time and even recovery, in the fellowship that is my home.
where was i? oh yes, finding a way to incorporate the idea of a HIGHER POWER in the mind of a hardened super-rational agnostic. the idea here is not that i cannot be done, it si that as i grow the need for a structure of the concept, a mental construct of sorts to hang my beliefs on, diminishes over time. in fact, the longer i stay clean, the more vague my concept becomes. as i grow, i am becoming more dependent on that POWER and less certain of what that POWER looks like, and for me that is a good thing, as i no longer have a concept to lend to anyone, especially those men who choose to call me their sponsor. in fact, i will give my concept away, and if it works for them, even better.
the time has come, to start to get out and about into this beautiful day in the desert. a few puffs on a cigar, a few cups of coffee and it is off to see some more of this beautiful place that the POWER that fuels my recovery, has provided me the opportunity to be at, here and now. the reading says it all for me, all i HAVE to know, is that there is a POWER that fuels my recovery, if i ALLOW IT to do ITS job.
so be well and stay warm, for me, another day of fun in the sun, in the paradise in the desert, because today, anywhere can be paradise for me, all i have to do is allow myself to be in the her and now and awake for thee lessons i need to learn.

∞ DT ∞