Blog entry for:

everything about my spiritual path and the POWER that fuels my recovery, is a state i will never reach, nor do i even have the DESIRE to do so. after literally years of fretting and fuming about the shape of GOD and how to relate, i finally came to a path, where i did not even have to think about what GOD might or might not be. arriving at that place, means that just for today, i GET to live in STEP 11 and find a serenity that i never believed was possible for me.
one of the reasons for landing in this spot:

Carlos G.
THIRTY-EIGHT (38) years clean!
Congrats and thanks my friend for allowing me to find myself.

i could go on and on about my less than stellar path to spiritual freedom, but i have been over that story far too many times. what i will say that since that last ELEVENTH STEP, my world has opened up to all sorts of interesting things, that have remained buried under the pile of sh!t called denial. i am grateful that my spiritual path provided me the support i needed, to deal with the crap i uncovered and exploded with my recent FOURTH and FIFTH STEPS. as i deal with the fallout from last night's release, i am quite calm, cool and collected. i want to get out for a workout but am unwilling to do so, until i hear back from my client, so i GET the opportunity to think about this stuff.
life after a nap overnight, may not be perfect this morning, but it is more than likely better than it could have been, had i waited to do my latest step work, until my Dad died. sure there are more than a few things going on inside of me and i still have my grief to feel, as the reality of the events over the past four months, sets in. i know that i am more stable than i have been in quite some time and my workout is more of a vacation from what is going on, then a stress relief valve. as i get the tasks completed that i need to do, to get everything up and running, i know that when i step outside to pound the pavement, i will be able to do so with worry, or better put much worry. i am grateful to have a path that allows me to take what comes, deal with it in real-time and move on at least, just for today.

∞ DT ∞