Blog entry for:

for the faint of heart! courage and not the kind i can purchase for the dose is a very valuable commodity in recovery. over the course of the past three days, i have heard a few shares that inspired me, some that made me cry and some that made me laugh, but they all had one theme in common: one CAN recovery, through whatever circumstances life happens to throw your way. it had been quite an eventful seventy-two hours, and one of the most courageous things i did do, was allow myself to walk through the fear of my past and renew relationships that i once wrote off as trashed, burned to the ground and buried under thousands of tonnes of debris. not that at this point in my recovery, i think i needed to dread those encounters, but i certainly carry some garbage with me, still. oh yeah and i need to apologize for the addict with two days clean about the terrible joke i made at dinner last night. sorry i do not drink, even a glass of wine with dinner. my bad for assuming one could pick up on the delicious irony of that joke, at a table full of addicts in recovery. just in case there was some ambivalence, alcohol is a drug and i do not use drugs in any form, no matter what. of course there are a few caveats on that statement, but since i am not taking any prescribed by a doctor medications, for this addict, right here and right now, that is an absolute. besides if i was going to have an alcoholic beverage with dinner, it would be a micro-brew beer and not a glass of wine.
i also heard some new lines that i can add to my repertoire, especially a replacement for practice makes perfect: repetition brings competency, and i have been repeating my recovery routine for enough days in a row that i have become quite competent of doing what i need to do, to allow the POWER that fuels my recovery, to keep me clean. i also saw much of what i do not want to become. i hope that if i ever get to address a convention, i can bring home a powerful and engaging message. not that i have many aspirations in this area, i gave those up a long, long time ago, but one never knows.
so where do i have to apply courage in my life today? in reality not much. i can share where i am at a meeting without worrying about the expectations of others, unlike some of my peers. i have FAITH that when the shIte comes down, i will be able to come to my fellowship for help and not have to run and hide in another, until i get my head on straight. most of all, it takes very little courage not to have that micro-brew and go seeking a cannabis treatment for chronic pain. today i am secure in my fellowship and learning to be okay with that place. just for today, i need not worry about how spiritual i am in the her and now, i just need to do the next right thing.

∞ DT ∞