Blog entry for:

no place for the faint of heart! life can be tough. life without the cushion of even legal substances often feels as if it is too tough to handle, even with a minute clean.as much as i would like to think that i **GOT** this, the evidence clearly shows that i do not **GOT** anything, especially when it comes to having the power to stay clean, just for today. as i sat in the meeting last night and watched a peer break down over the mess they had recently created in their life, i wondered when i would be in a similar situation, by my own hand and if i could make it through it clean. when all is said and done, i have to rely on the HOPE and FAITH that i have been given by those who have walked through their pain and suffering, without resorting to the use of anything that “fixes” the way they feel.
this morning, as i could not shut down and pay attention to the void, i kept rolling around in my head, how i was going to manipulate my way pout of the mess i have been diligently and earnestly been working on resolving. i was seeking, from within, the means to shortcut my way out and many of the ideas that came down the pike were sketchy at best and certainly were not part of “living in the solution.” once upon a time and that was not all that long ago, as in months, i would have done my best to shuck and jive my way to getting the ways and means to get my a$$ out of this sling. what i finally heard, when i let go of self-will, was to have a bit of COURAGE and continue down the path of doing the next right thing and the opportunities i need to get into a better place, will arrive, as they are needed. that is how it worked the last time i had painted myself much deeper into a corner, i had to grow the FAITH that the door would open and i would have to grasp the opportunity i was presented with and run with it.
it seems that i have run out of anything to say. amazingly, it also feels that the time has come to get out and get some steps in, before i knuckle down and get to work. with that in mind, i guess i will put on all my miracle fiber clothes and get some steps with the dawg in, before the rain and wintry mic begins to precipitate. perhaps, as i walk around ht neighborhood i will allow myself the freedom to listen to the sound of on hand clapping and feel the next right thing to do, just for today.

∞ DT ∞