Blog entry for:

i do not know how many time i have used this phrase since i finally got clean. in fact, for me it some of the time it sounds trite and worn out. the fact of the matter is, over the days i have stayed clean, i never consider doing anything but staying clean, unconditionally and without any reservations. i place my FAITH in the principles of the recovery program that has brought me to this point in my life and in the POWER that fuels my recovery. it is true, that many of the things i have done to this point in my life, have been removed from my current reality. due to a responsibility i CHOSE to accept, i have to walk through these plague times with more than a modicum of caution, which limits my social interactions work has been awful this week, and even though i may not “think” i “need” a meeting, i certainly hope to get to the 12:30 meeting this afternoon.
this morning, not unlike many mornings in the past, i made a conscious choice to stay clean today. for me, that choice requires no addiction courage, fortitude or perseverance to make. that choice, is just what i do. as upside-down and crazy the world feels these days, that choice and the fact that i make a conscious effort to arrive at it, is more important to this addict than any time in the recent past. when shit hits the fan, i have a back-up plan, and that plan goes to the seed i started this little exercise off with, NO MATTER WHAT.
this week has been a trying one and one that i am hoping will end better than it started. i have little or no control over that. what i do have some control over, is how i choose to react to the events that have been driving my angst and inner turmoil. i have spent the last four days on the phone with idiots that refuse to consider that maybe it is their stuff that is breaking mine. part of what i plan to do, once i get back from my workout, is to test my theory and see if there is a record that points to a smoking gun. for the first time this week, i may even carry my phone with me as i “trip the light fantastic” through the streets and bike paths on the East Side. the only time i have been able to step away, is when i get to workout. for that hour, i give away everything work-related, COVID related and live in the steps i am accumulating. in that activity, i am truly in the here and now, and the state i reach, sustains me through another stressful work day. i GET to have the desire to work-out because i have the DESIRE to stay clean today. before this day gets any later, however, it is time for me to put this on the interwebs sand head out to the great outdoors. for the next sixty minutes my world will expand and compress. expand into what is going on around me and compress into being one with my movement. and guess what? i may even stay clean today, NO MATTER WHAT, with just a bit more courage and faith.

∞ DT ∞