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successes with others, i provide them a glimmer of HOPE that they can achieve their goals as well. the problem for me anyhow is how do i share my successes without coming off as arrogant or conceited? there are a couple of approaches to resolving this problem, well actually far more than two, but the two that seem to be the most popular with my peers, do not fit who i am becoming, leading me to find another path to expressing the success i have in my life in a humble manner.
one of the methods popular among my peers, is to attribute every successful act to the kindness and intervention of GOD. GOD gave me this brand new car or brand new relationship or high paying job. life is a “miracle, as GOD continues to give me everything and all i have to do is ask for it in prayer.”
the other side of this coin is to bury my experience in whole pile of false humility and spiritual camouflage, once again, diminishing my effort and making it seemed that in spite of myself, i have all these wonderful things happening -- material success, educational advancement, and becoming debt free. somehow it is because i happen to stay clean day after day, that my life gets wonderful.
for me, the truth is, i have success in my life, because i work at being more than i was yesterday. i know all about arrogance and conceit. low self-esteem manifests itself in my life, by making me want to “crow” about what i accomplish and “lord” it of all who come in contact with me. i have used both the paths described above to bury myself in a pile of false humility, to prevent myself from exercising my seemingly inherent need to be “better than” my peers and in the long run, i finally see how self-defeating that path has become. it is true that i CANNOT remove my defects of character, i accept that as fact these days. GOD did not work my steps. GOD did not pound out my school assignments. GOD does not show up and do my work at my job day after day, those are acts i do, and because of that i succeed at my job, my recovery and my desire to stay clean day after day. i CAN do all of that, because the fellowship has provided me a path to become more than just another using addict. the POWER that fuels my recovery does however, provide me the opportunities to continue my growth, by GIVING me what i need to stay clean today. my peers, provide examples of how to actually live my recovery and only when i am open enough to listen to and implement what they tell what worked for them, do i grow. it all comes down to being present for what that POWER is providing for me, and implementing the suggestions that my peers share worked for them. i GET to stay clean. i GET to advance my career by showing up day after day. i GET to have people in my life because i allow that POWER to show me a better way to live. becoming whole. genuine and self-aware, is the process i am embarked upon these days, and my peers and the POWER that fuels my recovery, allow me the opportunities of a daily basis to foster that growth.
when i am closed off to those gifts, i stagnate and cease to become anything more. i do not want to live a “bumper sticker” or “slogan” sort of person, as i want to be an example of HOW to do this, not just talk about it. i challenged a peer last night to share without using the word “you.” he did a very good job, even though he stumbled a bit, as this was a totally new way of carrying his message. after the meeting i suggested that when he used “you” as part of his share, it sounded more like giving advice and direction, rather than carrying a message of recovery. will he carry it forward? i do not know, but he was successful last night and his experience, strength and hope came shining through, as well as his success in staying clean. he succeeded in what probably felt like the hardest task in his recovery and deserved to be commended for taking a chance and stepping out of what he knew. i, myself, take no credit for his decision, as all i did was make a suggestion. he took the opportunity to be more. that is how this works for me. my peers over the days i have been clean, offer me suggestions, the POWER that fuels my recovery offers me opportunities, it is up to me to decide whether or not i will even try them out. reporting on my success or failure is what i need to do, and sometimes, well most of the time, whether or not i succeed or fail, is up to interpretation.
today, i woke up and decided i wanted to stay clean. i asked the POWER that fuels my recovery to provide me the the power to do so, and so far i have been clean all day!

∞ DT ∞