โ vigilance in balance โ
Posted: Thu, Mar 2, 2023 07:15:45 AM
is certainly a state of being worth striving towards. i have never been the type to be obsessively fret about where i go, who i see or what i do, when it comes to my my recovery. it is true, i will not go into a crack house, but i have been known to hang with friends and family members in drinking establishments. i do not look at each and every decision, to see how it may affect my recovery, but i do my best to live a program of active recovery. i do not live in abject fear of relapse and i certainly do what i need to do, to have the ability to choose to be clean and in recovery another day. this reading feels as if it may not apply to me, as it certainly describes the extreme case of living isolated from the world in order to protect my recovery, which is not how i have ever been.
i know that for me, something new is not very comfortable and using a new source for writing this exercise feels a bit “off.” for the past month as i was moving towards making this switch, i made all sorts of excuses, the first and foremost is that these reading are certainly more “dense” with content, than my previous source. that may or may not be true, but what is true is that i have been through that source, every single page, over twenty times, so it held very few surprises and i found myself reprising what i had written in the past. using that single source and looking at the corpus of this exercise, i certainly can see my evolution from an unwilling participant to a full-fledged true believer. however, excuses aside, i can also see that dipping into that well time and again for inspiration was limiting my growth by not challenging to peek at something different. it is not as if my recovery has grown stale, but it certainly will not suffer because i step out for under a tried and true habit.
this morning as i am between to different schools of thought over the work i had been asked to do the past two days, i know that i need to step away, get my work-out under my sneakers and allow them to suss it out and tell me how to proceed. i know that whatever the team decides to do, i will be able to get it accomplished. even though i woke up this morning and thought it was Friday, i am glad that it is only Thursday, because i will need all day today to get everyone happy with the direction my work happens to take. it is a good day to be clean and yes, vigilant about my recovery.
i know that for me, something new is not very comfortable and using a new source for writing this exercise feels a bit “off.” for the past month as i was moving towards making this switch, i made all sorts of excuses, the first and foremost is that these reading are certainly more “dense” with content, than my previous source. that may or may not be true, but what is true is that i have been through that source, every single page, over twenty times, so it held very few surprises and i found myself reprising what i had written in the past. using that single source and looking at the corpus of this exercise, i certainly can see my evolution from an unwilling participant to a full-fledged true believer. however, excuses aside, i can also see that dipping into that well time and again for inspiration was limiting my growth by not challenging to peek at something different. it is not as if my recovery has grown stale, but it certainly will not suffer because i step out for under a tried and true habit.
this morning as i am between to different schools of thought over the work i had been asked to do the past two days, i know that i need to step away, get my work-out under my sneakers and allow them to suss it out and tell me how to proceed. i know that whatever the team decides to do, i will be able to get it accomplished. even though i woke up this morning and thought it was Friday, i am glad that it is only Thursday, because i will need all day today to get everyone happy with the direction my work happens to take. it is a good day to be clean and yes, vigilant about my recovery.
∞ DT ∞