Blog entry for:

my uncomfortable emotions. first off a bit of semantic magic here. once i fell into the trap of labeling my unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings as **negative.** been a few issues i needed to deal with, here at work, dang it all, don't they know who i am?!
where i was going this morning, is that once i took off the labels of what my feelings are, and just accepted that they are just feeling and will pass, things became a whole lot easier for me.
of course the POWER that fuels my recovery had to provide me an opportunity to exercise that belief this morning. i have a peer and friend, who is struggling with their feelings, in fact being overwhelmed by those feelings, so all of my wisdom about good, bad, positive, negative was for naught. i had to help them find a way off the ledge and talking esoterically about labeling feelings was not the direction i needed to go. i see that as maybe an indication that i need to go a different direction here as well.
i have, at times in my recovery journey, been overwhelmed by my feelings and certainly though about ways to numb them out or just stop them. no matter how many times my wiser peers told me that they were temporary and would pass, i still would get into drive myself into a state of obsessional frenzy and get all twisted up. i wanted immediate relief and none was in sight. yes, instant gratification is still part of my addict DNA. of course what i was looking for was not necessarily relief i just wanted them to stop, no matter how temporary, it felt as if they were going to last forever.
time and some steps, has allowed me the freedom to accept that i am going to have inconvenient feelings, and if i allow myself to run away with HOW i am feeling, i will get all fuckered up over the,m. a very tight feedback loop a feeling that was overwhelming ➽ obsession ➽ more feelings. ARGHH!
today, well today i understand that the power i have over my feelings is how i respond to them. i have not a whole lot of power about when and what i may feel, but i do have a JEDI mind trick on what to do with them ➽ absolutely nothing but embrace them and move along. which is exactly what i am going to right now ➽ move along and let this go as well. it is a great day to be clean and accept that i have feelings, no matter how much i want to deny or change that reality.

∞ DT ∞