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i may find that i do not know how to identify my feelings.
ah, one of the dealing with feelings readings. i am in a rhyme time mood i guess. yes even after a bit of time clean i have some difficulty when it comes to my feelings and identifying what i am feeling exactly. i have just accepted that for me this is a skill that i can only learn over time, by practicing it. although i scoff at the feeling wheels that treatment centers hand-out like candy, i do understand the usefulness of identifying my feelings. the problem i have is that i never seem to be feeling just one feeling, i seem to have a mash-up of more than one at the same time. strange as it sounds as late as yesterday i found my self feeling angry, frustrated and happy all in the exact same moment and what i came out like was some sort of mania. this kind of felling mash-up is not uncommon in my life. if it is going on now, no wonder when my counselor in treatment asked me what i was feeling my standard reply was either "i dunno" or "fine"
what i have discovered is that for me, identifying my feelings is less important than just feeling them and letting them run their course -- i have yet to die from a feeling or even a mash-up of feelings. my reactions to my feelings and how i behave in response to my feelings is where i focus my attention, instead of worrying about what i am feeling. do not take me for some kind of ostrich, i still try and inventory what i am feeling in the moment, i just do not obsess and worry about it, after all life moves far to fast to sit and ponder my emotional state for very long. i also find it acceptable to say to myself i do not know what i am feeling and unless i am about to act out in some manner contrary to my values i let it go at that.
so my task ’o the day? try and get a grip on what i am feeling and move on, after all feelings are just are.

∞ DT ∞