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okay let me be entirely honest here, i do not like feeling pain, nor do i enjoy feeling my ‘uncomfortable feelings’. that was among the reasons i used for so long, the consequences of my addiction were less severe in my mind than feeling and those consequences were controllable (in my mind) where my uncomfortable feelings were not.
when i faced my desperation and decided to recover at any cost, i found out how much i really did not like feeling BUT i was willing to do anything to GET and STAY clean.
today i am not exactly thrilled to face all of my emotions nor feel any pain, but i have the HOPE that they will pass in time. i do not feel trapped by my feelings and the consequences of using are not now (nor were they ever really) controllable, my uncomfortable emotions are also not controllable. what i can control is how i deal with them. my fellow members can help me if i open up and let them by telling what i am feeling. the only thing isolation brings to me is greater pain and eventual relapse. so today i may be twisting about a thing or two, but they will resolve if i go back to my 3rd step and let GOD, my fellow members and the program do their work.
∞ DT ∞