Blog entry for:

here i sit, staring at me screen wondering about what and how much i should share today about what i am feeling.
the reading this morning reminded me that i have been presented with the tools that i can use to live my life in a responsible manner whether it is maintaining my recovery, fulfilling my service commitments or just living each day the best i can. i came back from convention feeling strange and a bit empty. although the feeling has passed, i am starting to consider whether convention really is something i need or want to attend. i am beginning to understand, why there are so few in my "clean-time" age group that attend conventions. looking over the weekend, i do get the same feeling i once did. i wonder if this is like using -- trying to chase that first high and never being able to succeed. so i guess what i am getting to is that when i returned from convention yesterday i was suffering from unmet expectations -- mine. i have changed and grown and perhaps the time has come to let go of my expectations, after all somewhere in our literature it says that expectations are preconceived resentments, and at this point in my life, i have more than enough resentments to deal with without adding more about things i have absolutely no control over. i do have a bit of power over my belief structure, i do have power over my attitudes, i do have power over my behaviors and most of all i have power over my expectations -- once i see them for what they are.
so back to the topic after my brief digression, my responsibility is to run my expectations the spiritual tool kit i have been given and see them for what they are.
my convention experience is euphoric recall of a spiritual awakening and nothing more. by waiting and expecting that same thing to happen again will only create a resentment and drive me away from the program that has saved my life.
so the solution -- let go, let my program and GOD do the work that is going on and see what happens.
∞ DT ∞