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my recovery for granted? a question that i stumble across from time to time and one that i ponder briefly before moving on to **real** things to consider. that mindset comes from the fact that i am presently part of a fellowship and an active part of that fellowship, for the most part. i take most of my daily maintenance seriously and practice it with a gusto and a frequency i once reserved for using. so on superficial examination, one could conclude that, i am not taking my recovery for granted. 'nuff said, time to trot along to the next thing off the stack.
what keeps popping up on my TENTH STEP however, is the interaction i had with one of the men who call me their sponsor. for this sponsee i am the only human from outside his place of residence, who takes the time to see him, in person. some of the time, i feel that i have become way more than just a sponsor to him. i may call him a friend, but i really wonder, how much i value him as a friend, and i keep going back to what kind of expectations do i put on those i consider my friends. one of the lessons i have learned along the way, is that i very rarely live up to the expectations others put on me as their friend, and as a result, have learned to lower my expectations of them. i know i owe him a letter to apologize for backing him into a corner of his own making. i could feel the pain as i probed some very tender spots, until he finally gave up and allowed me to see what he has been hiding for all the time i have been working with him. i still have yet to reconcile my feelings of having to do so, with the feelings of betrayal and now distrust, once again someone not living up to my double secret probation expectations and my feelings around that.
so as i trot off down the road to work, i can be certain, that over the course of this twenty-four, i will be dealing with the top on my TENTH STEP list., as i grow weary of covering the same ground every night. who knows, maybe taking responsibility for this price of my recovery will provide me the relief to move along on my recovery journey.

∞ DT ∞