Blog entry for:

is not life-threatening, but it is earth-shaking. every now and again, i do the next right thing for myself. yesterday, it was stopping by and spending some time with my sponsor. i have been more than a tad off-balance.
before i get into that, i do have to send positive energy to the suffering waterlogged residents of Texas. i may not always agree with your politics or ideas about how to run government, but that does not mean that i cannot feel your pain and hoping Harvey moves out and away before it is predicted to do so. be strong and persevere, as this too shall pass.
where was i? oh yeah, sitting down and sorting through my life and its current manifestations of insanity with my sponsor. among the topics we spoke of, was a little bit of power that i did not realize i had accumulated. there is a part of me, that revels in glee when i discover that i have power over someone else. i am far from the healthiest nut in this basket. one the initial shock and mirth fade, however, it saddens me that someone could give away their personal power to me, and worse not have the courage to ask me why things are the way they are. i can say without any equivocation that i earned my seat in this fellowship and i intend to exercise my right as a member to attend whatever meetings i choose to attend. ironically, this power that i seem to have been given, really does not matter to me, as i carry no feelings one way or another, sort of a null set when it comes to having or exercising it. if this ever moves beyond the High School phase of passing notes, maybe i will lose this super power of sort, although having it, has not affected my recovery journey one iota.
that little tidbit of information aside, what i spoke of with my sponsor, was how i was feeling with work, my recovery, meetings and my impending admission into the third decade of my recovery journey. what i was told and probably knew was that part of what is going on inside of me is a reflection of the upheaval and change in my life over the past six months or so. my growing dissatisfaction is anger about my oh so carefully laid plans being thwarted, and the feeling of being off-kilter is the consequences of the forward motion i have made in my financial situation. even being sold as if i was a piece of furniture, is not a bad thing, although i was quite butt-hurt by it and have allowed tho creep into my daily professional life.
what secrets did i share yesterday? why, none at all, but i guess since i am a master of editing the truth, the whole truth as spoken by me to my sponse, was probably a ginormous secret. i have shared dribs and drabs in my home group and alluded to other in my shares in those meetings where i share on a consistent basis, but for the most part, that entire picture has been kept on the down-low, purposefully, as what would everyone think of me, if i let all that garbage out.
today as i barrel my way, into another day, where i will have deal with bureaucracy, unpleasant, ignorant self-entitled and self-absorbed dukes of their particular fiefdoms, i will NEED to carry the spiritual principles of tolerance, acceptance and forgiveness into that arena. me realization of the will of my HIGHER POWER for me, as much as i find it distasteful, is the watchword for my spiritual success, today. i am glad and more importantly carry STEP 12 into my workplace, Just For Today.

∞ DT ∞