Blog entry for:

not engaging in self-abuse, which i have already done, spiritually and physically. emotionally, well that is still quite a work in process. when i mess something up, make a human mistake or just plain behave in a less than stellar manner, i berate and deprecate myself, with all sorts of sundry putdowns and expletives. a friend of mine, who is a peer with a few more minutes clean than i have, reminds me that if i cannot treat myself well, how do i expect to treat others with courtesy and the respect of which they are deserving. i am better on most days, but when my spiritual fitness slides so does my respect of myself, as that is almost always the first to go.
sitting here this morning, pounding away at this little exercise, before i get working on finishing the set-up of my workstation, i do have a thought or two about how i can allow myself to trip and even fall, without ending up in a world of hating myself for taking the next breath. well, maybe not that bad, anymore, anyhow after not following the instruction i am stuck trying to get my stuff rolling again. now here is where i have to breathe and allow myself the freedom to consider that maybe i just need to be a bit more patient and allow myself to move forward into work, without screaming how dumb or stupid i am.
moving past work stuff and into personal stuff, i am not all that excited about going to see the medical oncologist and start my “treatment” plan. life does not suck for me, although i am certainly stuck at work, i am not stuck in my recovery or my life. with that in mind, time to post this and get back to trying to figure this whole thing out on my MacBook.

∞ DT ∞