Blog entry for:

this morning, as i get a late start on my day, what i **heard** as i sat, was all about what i was willing and unwilling to share with another human being. what it all came down to is that looking good, is still more important to me than feeling good. just as some of my peers suffer from the shortcoming arising out of their defects of character, so do i, dammit all, i thought i was better than that, after all this time. i dis not want to acknowledge the fact that i have an “over-use” injury and that i could workout through the pain. i do not want to acknowledge that i am “judgey” of the program some of my peers work. most of all i do not want anyone to realize that plague times and social upheaval are messing with my serenity. i want my peers to see me as a paragon of virtue and some sort of “recovery guru,” even though in more than one aspect, i am just as messed up as they are.
today, as i prepare to “double-down” on my “injury-limited” workout, i feel okay that i can own all of the above and find a place to walk forward into my day. i may not feel like working this morning and i certainly do not feel like walking, but once i get rolling, that may change. it is a good day to be open and share my misgivings with the world. everything about my “secret self” will have to wait until it is time to do a FIFTH STEP with my sponse. time to let go, grab the dawg and see what a few miles does for my state of mind.

∞ DT ∞