Blog entry for:

less to punish myself for, as i get further and further away from my clean date. one of the gifts oh having a minute or so clean AND working a step or twelve, is that my past gets put into perspective. i know that some of my peers often fall back to the “just for today” default and discount long periods of abstinence and living a program of recovery. i have heard some of the say, that is to keep them from separating themselves from the newcomer and i might buy that. for me, i see it as a cop-out. i may not announce that i have decades clean at every meeting i attend, but i feel it is important to let a newcomer know that having years clean is something that they too can accomplish. i have, however, got a one of my silly soapboxes and what was meant to be a discussion of letting go of the shame of my past, turned into a polemic about one of the crazed behaviors of my some of my peers.
coming back to the here and now, yes there are many events in my life that could cause me shame. it would be great to say, that i no longer do things that may be shameful, great but dishonest. what i can say, is that i know the difference between right and wrong and i can rectify the events that cause me guilt, before i turn them into the whip o' shame. i understand that shame is a tool i use against myself. working the steps, and YES staying clean, provides me the ways and means to learn how to use my past as a tool rather than as a weapon against myself. i am grateful for my past and especially grateful i do not have to live there anymore, just for today.

∞ DT ∞