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and moving into my hope filled here and now! does not sound too hard or heinous, but leaving my past behind feels like the hardest thing i have ever done. it is more than a little ironic that i was chatting with another addict about how i felt about attending an upcoming service meeting in california, and i said, "this could not be coming at a worse time for me, new home, new job and new life"
and up pops this reading and it even gets worse -- my horoscope for today says, "Let’s face it -- you've progressed far beyond an old way of living. Isn’t it time you acknowledged that and made the changes this development entails? Get moving."
so why is moving so difficult for me?? part of it probably has to do with the whole fear of change thing. even if the past has sucked, and my recent past has not, it is a familiar and known evil, that i have become accustomed to dealing with. moving into a hope filled here and now entails risk, unknown elements, the chance of failure and, gasp, even worse, the chance for success. so i have got my cosmic kick in the ass, and the trick now is to accept the message, not shoot the messengers and move into this new reality.
does not sound too difficult at all!
what I want is everything to already be changed and me not having to go through the process. you know wake-up with a whole new life and no past to cling to! Of course the real world does not work like that and i have to accept that little fact too, DAMMIT! so letting go and moving forward is the task and will only be a chore if i let it be. it is all a matter of perspective, life today is full of all kinds of new wonders and things to do. so off to the virtual world to finish my morning stuff and let myself live in the here and now!

∞ DT ∞