๐ฉ i spent plenty ๐ญ
Posted: Mon, Mar 24, 2025 07:04:49 AM
of energy denying reality, believing i had all the answers and was, of course, infallible. it would be oh so nice to say the minute i was forced to get clean or even the second i accepted recovery into my life, all of that changed. yes, it would be nice, but in real life, those changes took a very long minute to be manifest in my life. learning to be discerning, rather than judgemental, closed-minded and certain that i “know it all,” is a process that is still ongoing and probably will be for life. not that i am always full of shit, all the time, but i certainly needed to learn the difference between what i know, what i think and i what i believe that those around me require of me.
as i peeked at an error that was generated by some of the code i wrote a while ago for my job, i see that it was user data entry issues and not mine. i also see that it can be a quick fix to prevent it from happening if i do a bit of validation of the data type they are sending. that is a great metaphor for the topic at hand. the data i am processing, is reality. my issue has always been that because of who i think i am, i believed i “knew” what i was being presented with, even when all i was being asked for was acknowledgement and empathy. in those instances, somehow i got the notion that i was being asked for feedback and advice. learning how to discern the difference is not quite as easy as looking at a piece of data and checking to see if it is a number or a string of characters. the good news is, i am getting better and better at figuring out the difference, the not so good news, i still catch myself wanting to provide that foe which i have not been asked.
this morning as i prepare to venture out on the far too warm morning for thirty-one minutes of exercise, i can see that instead of wallowing in my failures, i can rejoice in my progress. a huge part of my insanity, is my choice to see everything about myself, in black and white. the space i give others to be themselves, seems to be lacking when it comes to myself. i am so sued to always be in the wrong and “less than” those around me, that seeing myself as i see others certainly feels like the next correct thing to do. life is too short to walk around with a storm cloud over my head.
as i peeked at an error that was generated by some of the code i wrote a while ago for my job, i see that it was user data entry issues and not mine. i also see that it can be a quick fix to prevent it from happening if i do a bit of validation of the data type they are sending. that is a great metaphor for the topic at hand. the data i am processing, is reality. my issue has always been that because of who i think i am, i believed i “knew” what i was being presented with, even when all i was being asked for was acknowledgement and empathy. in those instances, somehow i got the notion that i was being asked for feedback and advice. learning how to discern the difference is not quite as easy as looking at a piece of data and checking to see if it is a number or a string of characters. the good news is, i am getting better and better at figuring out the difference, the not so good news, i still catch myself wanting to provide that foe which i have not been asked.
this morning as i prepare to venture out on the far too warm morning for thirty-one minutes of exercise, i can see that instead of wallowing in my failures, i can rejoice in my progress. a huge part of my insanity, is my choice to see everything about myself, in black and white. the space i give others to be themselves, seems to be lacking when it comes to myself. i am so sued to always be in the wrong and “less than” those around me, that seeing myself as i see others certainly feels like the next correct thing to do. life is too short to walk around with a storm cloud over my head.
∞ DT ∞