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takes practice! i have to admit, that when i saw this headline this morning, i got super-excited. finally, for once, the program was going to give me cover for being judgemental of others, under the guise of being discerning. i was quite disappointed to find out, that what this lesson in discernment was all about, was me, my opinions, what i think i “know,” and how i express that stuff. BUMMER DUDE 🤣 🤣 🤣
on a more serious not, after getting over my initial confusion about what the content of this seed included, i certainly could see the point it was making. i have, one more than one occasion, loudly, and very forcefully, expressed an opinion that i maintained was the “truth,” that could not and should not be denied. on most of those occasions i may not have been dead wrong, but i certainly was not correct and more than once i have paid the price by practicing the corrective part of STEP TEN. even on those rare instances when i was correct, the manner in which i presented my opinion was more than worthy of a TENTH STEP correction as well. the lessons i have learned over the minute i have been clean, is that my opinions have value, they certainly need to be expressed, but they do not need to be “louder” or more forceful than those of my peers. i certainly will not die if a group conscience does not break in my favor.
in my personal life, i have to look at what i share and do not share with others. i have oftentimes been the person who slung mud across those with whom i share recovery. i am not proud of my history in this respect and part of my amends to myself and my fellowship is to practice discernment in what i share about others. i may have formed a judgement about this or that, and it might even be spot on, BUT that judgement need not be broadcasted to any or all who might happen to be listening. i know my motives in this regard have almost always been to build myself up in the eyes of others by tearing down those around me. that behavior, honed to a very fine skill in active addiction, has taken a very long time to be diminished and minimized to almost nothing, especially since coming out form under the shadow of the BIG LIE. more and more, i catch myself being circumspect about what i know and as recently as yesterday when speaking about a peer, i left that peer unidentified. their actions have been disturbing and certainly caused a ripple or three in the still pond of my recent recovery journey. i may accept their actions and decisions but it certainly does trip off a reaction to perhaps explore the world of recovery as they seem to be doing and see what i uncover. just for today, however, i see that as a path i choose not to follow and as i prepare to get out into this frigid early spring morning, i am more than certain that i am on the path i need to be on. life is too short to wonder if i am missing out on anything because i choose to live a program of active recovery, my gut tells me that what i may be missing is not worth the price i would have to pay, to get it.

∞ DT ∞