Blog entry for:

as i start this day, i know i have many hours of driving ahead of me this day, but before i get into the car and start hammering out the miles, i need to pause and reflect on all that has happened over the past few days. this trip has been a been a very good thing for me, as i do not know how many more will be in my future. it is true, we could have started yesterday and dealt with the Sunday afternoon traffic and made today's journey shorter by several hours. the choices i make today have consequences and one of those is one long day, when i took two to arrive. in this new pattern of my life, which includes living in the here and now and trying my best not to have regrets, the consequence of a long drive, is more than compensated for the time i got to spend with my family up here in Bozeman. as i sat and listened last night and as well as this morning, i got a feeling of a balance that has been lacking for several weeks. i am not quite sure what it is that may be driving that notion and for once i am going to be like the Trojans and defer looking this gift horse in the mouth, hopefully my consequences of this decision will be less heinous than those the Trojans had to deal with, way back when.
once upon a time, i would have been far too busy to spend four days away from work sand home. it is true, i could have come up with a thousand excuses why i could not make the time for this journey, even today. what i choose to do, is to accept that being here is more important than being anywhere else, regardless of what may or may not be happening around me. this morning, as i rush to get out of town, i feel a bit sad realizing the years i wasted, being wasted. i know that the relationships i have built up here, over the past twenty years, would have never had the depth that they have today, in that old pattern of my life. learning to live as a “whole” person could only be accomplished by this addict, in recovery. part of being whole, at least for me, is to establish connections with my family, even if the cost appears to be a bit steep. i made the choice to be here for my Dad and my family, because i am clean and have the emotional resources to be here, now.
as i wrap this up and head on down the road i can be certain that if i carry what i feel right here and right now with me home, i will not have to deal with speeding tickets or the internal angst of “why, oh why did i not take the time to&hellip” it is a good day to be clean and to be starting my trip home.

∞ DT ∞