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open heart, open spirit. i cannot count the number of times i have heard it said that if i open my mind, my heart will follow. after many moons of doubting that truism, i found that it had come to pass, in me, as i am certainly a very poor judge of the hearts of others. the opening of my spirit,, however, is not something i was aware of, until very recently. being freed from the bonds of the lie that defined my life for far too long, i am finally beginning to glimpse what some may mean when they speak of an open spirit. i am much “lighter” these days but still look at the world with a dose of heavy skepticism, instead of abject cynicism.
this morning as i ran, i could not stop daydreaming about what it might be, to not be me. most of the time, i no longer go there, but every now and again, <BOOM> there i am. in all honesty there is not a whole lot of my life i would change today, given what it took to get where i am. when i go tripping into the “what ifs,” i have to pause and examine what it is i think i am missing. i certainly would like to have the savings to retire, but i blew that chance a long, long time ago, more than once. as a result i have a few more years to toil at the keyboard and find the ways and means to support myself and my household, which is not entirely a bad thing, as it gives me a purpose to each and every day. i could cry about what was and what might have been, or i can open my eyes and live in the here and now, allowing myself to daydream, every now and again, i guess that is only human as well.
as i wind this down, i know that i can open my mind to listening to what others may think and believe and the peer i was having “issues” with, will find a place in my heart that allows him to be who he is and allows me to love him, because of who he is, not despite who he seems to be. it also means that i can forgive myself for what i am not, just for today.

∞ DT ∞