Blog entry for:

in life*s maze and seeking a roadmap that shows me how to find my way, is certainly part of what i am feeling today. i have to admit, i read the comments left on the phone-line of the local newspaper every day. most of the time, i have to chuckle as it seems the only people that call are either trying to justify their sense of entitlement or parroting the “straw man” and “red herrings” arguments they get from their echo chambers. one of those arguments seems to be about the Black Lives Matter movement. the straw man argument being used, is that somehow people of color dying in disproportionate numbers at the hands of law enforcement should be overlooked, because children are getting shot and killed in their violent neighborhoods. it seems as if one needs to ignore the former, until the issue of the latter has been addressed. the only thing that relates those two, very sad, facts of life, is the ethnicity of the victims. both are equally tragic and both need to be addressed as separate issues. using the “think about the children” argument to distract form another issue, is disingenuous at best. 'nuff said, time to move on.
although i cannot say for certain, perhaps the reason that bothers me so much this morning is because i use similar rhetorical tricks and flourishes against myself. distracting myself form one issue, by raising an unrelated but equally serious issue in my life, is a wonderful way for me to stay “stuck.” if i hear myself saying “but” when i address an issue in my recovery or “what about” i know i am distracting myself from the issue at hand. this whole identity crisis that is going on inside of me has more than once led me to places where i need to do something, say something or believe something that takes me out of the here and now. in fact the best argument against writing my FOURTH STEP has been: i got this far in my recovery process without sorting out the “who am i” issues, why do i need to deal with that now? the litany of what i have been given, what i have earned, what i have accomplished, follows closely behind, and so once again, i have distracted myself form doing the next right thing for me.
quite a conundrum to find myself in! after taking this brief inventory, i really do think i need to stop and pause and consider where i want to go. sure, spinning around and following all the paths that are available to me, is one way to live, but chances are, i will remain confused and confounded by the maze of life. stopping to listen to what i am being told by my peers, is another option and one that may be more fruitful in the long run. speaking of long runs, i guess i have arrived at the place in my day, where it is time to put on my exercise togs and hit the pavement for my daily fitness fix. at least i can take care of myself, in that manner and live up to the amends i made to me, all those days ago. that is not a bad start, just for today.

∞ DT ∞