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i can take note of that during my daily inventory to encourage myself to keep doing what works.
so many times in this space, i go on and on about the negative part of my life. where i learned that is a mystery, but i know it is that whole false humility trip run amok. yes it is true, that i owe the fellowship and a loving HIGHER POWER the credit for my transformed life. it is equally true, that I DO PLAY a very large role in that transformation as well, that transformation process happens because of me, and not despite me. so when i run myself down, minimize my contribution to my recovery process, i am in the same egotistical and self-centered world as if i took all the credit. choosing what to use to start writing was the easy part this morning. staying focused on the task at hand is not. for some reason my mind is going a thousand different places this morning, so now that i am here and present, i can go on.
the whole false humility gig, was supposed to be an exercise that opened me to seeing the positive part of my recovery and encouraging me to remember to look at the good i do on daily basis, in fact make a conscious effort to note where i lived in my “true” will instead of self-will today. it is true, that most of the times these days, living in that mode is so automatic that it drifts below my radar screen. yes i get angry and lash out, but i no longer swallow my anger until it becomes rage. yes i disagree with many different viewpoints and opinions, but i no longer intellectually bully anyone into seeing my point of view. yes i can be an egotistical, self-righteous asshole, but most of that occurs internally these days, as i have learned that if what i am about to say is more hurtful than helpful, and most importantly if i was not asked my opinion, it is better to keep it to myself. and on and on, my list of altered behaviors is quite lengthy and only because i believe that working and living a program is the only path for me today, or better put. the only path i DESIRE to be set upon today. i am a shining example of what it means to live the program as i have decided that just for today i will not use no matter what, and that i will surrender to addiction and do what it takes to realize the vision of the man i want to become. that vision does include doing what it takes to be healthier as well as happier today, so it off to the streets to work out and becomes less of a man, so to speak than i was yesterday, before walking the path of recovery to become more of the man i want to be.

∞ DT ∞