Blog entry for:

one of my favorite notions, that seems to transcend many religious and spiritual traditions is that my plans along with the outcomes to those plans, are actually out of my control. my plan, for instance to travel south on Sunday to visit a sponsee who cannot come to see me, is at risk right now, due to the what appears to be less than favorable driving conditions. if that particular scenario comes to pass, my two hour and fifteen minute journey each way could stretch into a nightmarish and hellish trek of many hours and sitting in a crowd of stopped or barely moving forward traffic on the freeway, because two or more of my fellow drivers lacked the foresight to slow down and drive with a bit more caution and concern for their fellow travelers. whether or not i will take the chance and make that journey, is a decision i will make as the time to leave approaches, as i am powerless over snow and ice, but not powerless over if and when i will leave my house. i have proposed, we will see how the Powers that be, dispose.
what really struck a chord in me today was the tasty bit about how “refusing to plan, was making a plan for a for a shallow, boring existence.” i have often said in the past, that if this recovery gig was not paying off, i would have left it a very long time ago. part of that “pay off,” at least for me, was learning to take some responsibility for my life and yes, make plans. i spent decades railing against the unfairness and injustice it of it all, just because i would or could not plan for any sort of life, save how i was going to facilitate my next high. that set of behaviors and attitudes hardly ended when i got clean, in fact, i felt more victimized than ever before. as my wall of denial slowly eroded i discovered a brand new Boogie Man ⇝ my addiction. that was the root cause of all my problem and yes if i was powerless over addictions, i could once again play the victim card, silently now, but with great affect in my life. the phrase “what did one expect from me, after all i am only an addict,” became part of my repertoire. it was not until i was well into my second set of steps, that i realized how weak and feeble that sounded and that i could choose to remain a victim of addiction, or i could take responsibility for my life, make a plan or two and keep my hands off the outcome.
what will be, will be and what is, certainly is what is. as trite as that may sound, it is reality. when i claim power that is not mine, i may succeed. more often or not, however, i end up falling flat on my face and having to face unpleasant consequences. just for today, my plan is to head on down to work, leave the office around 1:00 PM, run a quick errand on the way home, take a meeting at 2:30 pm and take the dawg and i out for a walk in the late afternoon sunshine. the time has come to move into implementing that plan and see what the day brings, just for today. and oh yeah, i will leave my plan for Sunday up in the air for at most another forty-eight hours.

∞ DT ∞