Blog entry for:

the things that separate me from those around in my life, i can allow grace to shape my actions. this is certainly spot on for where i am and what i am doing. i have to admit, being in Panamá was not where i thought i would be spending the last few days of 2024. i am grateful for this opportunity, even though those i am traveling with can work my last nerve. i certainly know how obsessive i can be and how controlling that makes me from time to time. when all of that kicks in, grace flies out of the window and i get all sorts of hot and bothered by people just being who they are. as i walked the streets this morning seeking a caffeine fix, i had to remind myself who i am and how i got here, not just to Panamá, but where i could see my part in my interactions with others and who really needs to adjust their expectations. quick clue -- it is not them. 😁
as i sat this morning, indoors instead of on the roof, i thought time was standing still, when it was actually flying by. it was one of my best sessions, quantitatively as my pulse rate dropped to an average of 57 beats per minute as i sat. i thought i was all over the place when i was mostly in the void, with a few distractions about getting a Cuban cigar or two. when i got up, i saw that what i needed to do was to get out and about, hence the streetwalking mentioned above. for me, i need to revel in the warm moist air at sea level, as much as possible before returning to the wintry cold at five thousand feet higher. thinking about how rigid and bitchy i have been towards my traveling companions, at least in my own head, i can see for my sanity and serenity, i need to let it all go and allow things to play out as they will, internally for sure, but externally without a doubt.
finding the grace to love by the principles i ascribe to i my goal du jour. we have places to go and i will allow myself to be herded with the rest of these cats. it really is not all about me, even though i would like it to be. just for today, i will be okay and allow myself the freedom to gracefully go with the flowa.

∞ DT ∞