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once more this morning i **overslept.** it really is not a big deal, HOWEVER, i still beat myself up over that fact. i know that sleeping an extra twenty minutes does not in the scheme of things, really mess anything up and chiding myself for doing so, is not a very “healthy” manner in which to start my day. that fall out of grace, did set a tone for me, as i sat, and that was to keep on the path i am on, professionally: actively seeking a new gig and writing a legacy document for my current one. i can get what i am looking for, if i persevere and i can leave behind, something that may assist those who i leave behind, in doing what i do.
most mornings, when i sit, i can find the void, this morning was not one of those mornings. i kept rolling around in my head notions of how to make myself more “attractive” to potential employers. i am not getting the results i desire and part of the issue, is that i waited too long to start my active pursuit for a new job. today, i have another recruiter interview and the gig is paying much less than i believe i am worth. the concern that popped off the stack and that i obsessed about, is that i may jump on this opportunity, just to get out from under the burden of finding a new one. i may be tempted to “settle” for less, rather than daring to find the position that pays and challenges me to be my best.
when i did let go of my desires and let myself sink into the quiet, what came to me was to stop worrying about what is not and hold on to what is. i have a job, i am getting nibbles and i am going on paid vacation next week. yes, a bit of gratitude, dang it all, when all i am feeling is angst, worry and internal discord. as i put my feelings down in bits and bytes, i can see that no matter what, i am going to be okay. i am not going to be aggressive in the interview today and accept that maybe they will be offering more than advertised, something more in line with what i feel i am worth.
moving into my morning, as i wait and wait and wait for my work station to reboot and let me notify my peers that i am going out for a bit of exercise. i feel a bit more hopeful and ready to let the universe spin as it will. i may not have any answers today, but i am not worried about what is beyond the edge of the universe. the whole notion of getting stuck in obsessing about what is not, is not one i want to entertain today, as i want to be better than that. i can take the time to find what it is i am looking for, even if i have not found a willing “buyer,” yet. just for today, i can go with my plan of the day and allow things to happen as they will. it is a good day to allow myself to succeed, rather than dwell in the house of pain, that has been built by my perceived failures.

∞ DT ∞