Blog entry for:

of grace that allows me to meet the challenges i face today. this morning what i heard was a heavy sigh as i i have to learn to let go of a sponsee who moved away and ghosted me in the process. i know saying goodbye can be tough, and it is not the first time i have been ghosted by a sponsee, for one reason or another. the fact of the matter is, i grow attached to most of the men who call me their sponsor. so when they depart for points unknown, i am sad and have to deal with being sad, rather than allowing those feelings to be changed into anger and then resentment. each time it happens, i am challenged by the sense of entitlement that i deserve better. the whole part of how someone could do something like that to me, plays over and over again in my head, like some sort of macabre horror movie theme, foreshadowing the eventual slash and burn of the person who did this terrible deed to me. as i rise to the challenge of letting go this morning, there is a bit of balance to the sadness and my feeling of being abandoned, that perhaps this event does not dictate who i am and need to be put into proper perspective: they did the best with what they had and i have to do the same, let go and allow myself the luxury of being sad.
moving along, now that i have dumped and whined a bit, i am on my third day in a row off from work and am planning out how to fill the hours. i am thinking a “run” after i get my last load of laundry in the dryer may be a good thing even though it will be at 11:00 AM, not exactly the shadiest time of day. or better still, as soon as i finish this little ditty, as i had a light breakfast and i am unsure how the rest of my day will unfold. i am more than willing to take a step up in my exercise program, and the challenge today, is to balance that desire with my physical abilities, which i perceive to be greater than they are. with a bit of resolve and that in mind, i do believe it is time to be off to the “races ” and get it done for today. it will certainly give me some time to ponder notions, beyond the sadness and pain i feel today and will provide me the means to rise above my pettiness and into the forgiveness mode, just for today.

∞ DT ∞