Blog entry for:

a victim of my addiction. it is quite true i suffered decades of defeats, humiliations, forgotten dreams, missed opportunities and poor decision-making as a result of addiction. when i got clean, i wore that victim identity with great pride and used every opportunity to say how awful things were in my life as a result of being an addict. many of my peers agreed with my constant remorse and to this day, still play the victim card when it comes to sharing about what being an addict means to them and how it still affects them in a very negative manner. i made the decision years ago, that i no longer had any need to play the victim, as it did little to advance my forward progress into a life of living a program of recovery. in fact, IMHO, i see that sort of thinking as setting me back as it feeds into all sorts of shit i have worked hard to remove from my life. today, i am quite sure that most of the misery in my life is self-generated and can be removed by applying a spiritual principle or three.
i may not yet see addiction as being transformed into a blessing, but i no longer struggle with the weight of addiction in my daily life. these days, my focus is on being in the here and now and doing my best to live in a manner that does not resemble the living death of active addiction, including renouncing my martyrdom. i take responsibility for my life today, i make choices instead of allowing the situations i find myself with to make them for me. i consider the consequences before i act and even though i have been known to act in a manner in which consequences that are not pleasant rain down upon me, i know it is because i chose and it was not addiction that chose for me. on that not is is time to get me and the dawg out in the sun for some steps and exercise, as i have been mostly home today. i am grateful that i was “sentenced” to recovery and that i was willing to do whatever it took to avoid prison, as that has led me to today, just for today.

∞ DT ∞