Blog entry for:

addiction did to me and the state in which it left my life is a mode of behavior i could dwell in. when i got clean, i certainly loved to play the victim and host self-pity parties, after all, nothing was my fault. when i felt the world was against, it had to be because they did not get me, not because i was acting out in self-centered, self-entitled, selfish, self-will. today, even though my life is more than a bit messy, i know that when i feel the world is against me, maybe, just maybe i have to take a rational look at my attitudes about who i am and what i am doing. chances are, i am living in a bout of self-centered, self-entitled, selfish, self-will. i lost my job, because i did not work hard enough to keep it. they gave me ample opportunity to “earn” the privilege to work for them, and i blew it. today, i was given the keys to succeed at a technical interview next week and my plan for the next three days, is to do my best to implement all of their suggestions, starting with writing a bit of code.
as i sat this morning, fretting about how i would eat, read the news, write my blog, get out walking and be showered off and shaved by 10 AM, i did not believe i would be able to achieve anything of substance. in those first few minutes of my meditation i kept arranging and rearranging my schedule to eke out every possible second and when i finally let go with the decisions that i could and would be able to make it happen, guess what? i “got” to go down to that place and accept that i was not a victim of my job hunt, i was a volunteer and if i did not walk into this day, with all of the “news of thew world” under my belt, i would thrive, nevertheless. the meeting went well, i got to write this and now, i am headed out to walk some of my angst and stress out. i can be okay not knowing that kAaron Rogers won the MVP for the 2021 NFL season, or that Marjorie Taylor Greene thinks that Nancy Pelosi is corrupting the US of A with gazpacho. i love gazpacho and maybe i should e-mail Nancy to get her recipe. 🤣 it is a good day to be okay with where i am and to do my best to pass my next audition.

∞ DT ∞