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and the third step, the magic sauce that transforms the HOPE of the second step into what i have always needed to write the fourth step. do not be mistaken, without that transformation, i would have never done even one 4TH and 5TH STEP Cycle, much less four of them. i do have to admit, that my first set of steps was really about pleasing my sponsor and had very little to do with actual recovery, but i have told that sad story more than once in the past. suffice it to say that i did the best with what i had before i chose what was to be the fellowship that has become my home. even in that less than ideal state i still had developed enough FAITH to go through the motions and get some relief from my past and a clearer vision of what i might become.
skipping a few decades to my last 3RD, 4TH and 5TH step cycle, it was not the writing of the 4TH that required the FAITH i had reinforced in the 3RD, it was the revealing the nature of what i had written in the 5TH that took every iota of FAITH i had. i am not a theist or deist and as a result, i have a bit of difficulty in explaining how i live in a paradigm that “requires” a HIGHER POWER. the simple fact of the matter is, some POWER provides me what i need to stay clean today and what that POWER looks like, is actually noting i am concerned with at all. my FAITH is that IT is there and IT provides me the opportunities on a daily basis to get what i need to survive and even thrive. case in point, i have the opportunity to climb Mount Kilimanjaro early next year. it has been a trip i have had the desire to make, but i never got past the dreaming about it stage. i still have yet to get confirmation that i will be accepted to go, but i am doing all the footwork to clear any of the obstacles out of my way. my friend Scott believe i have it “in the bag” but i am not all that certain. more will certainly be revealed as this day progresses.
in the “right now,” i need to dress out and go hit the streets, as this is a gift of my FAITH in a program of recovery. i choose, these days, to exercise on a daily basis, whether or not i get rewarded financially for doing so. it is my belief that IF i choose to get and stay fit in my mid-sixties, i may have a life that is worth living in my eighties. it also means that if i get the chance to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, i will be physically capable of doing so, which feels as if it is a reward in and of itself. nevertheless, i am grateful this morning for the opportunity to get out into this Spring morning and get a bit of fresh air, and sweat off a hundred calories, just for today.

∞ DT ∞