Blog entry for:

the ** right ** reason, no matter what motives may be for my efforts at serving the fellowship that has given me this manner of living. i have to admit i have stumbled across this topic more than once in my brief trip through this recovery gig. way back when, i would have said i served my peers, because it was the right thing to do. after some more steps and time living a life of purpose in active recovery, i have come to see that most of those efforts were my attempt to appear “better” than i was feeling, in the eyes of my peers. it is a relief that any damage i caused living in that manner was minor enough to be corrected quickly and with very few repercussions in carrying the message to the still suffering addict. i still desire to be seen as doing “good” by my peers, acquaintances and friends in the program, but i no longer desire to have the white-hot spotlight of their attention cast upon those efforts. i have learned from my hubris and am continuing to seek a humble solution to serve my peers.
enough about that topic, but there are certainly an event or two that occurred yesterday, that bubbled up to the surface this morning. it is more than ironic that i was classed as a “conservative” yesterday afternoon, because i happened to be enjoying a cigar in the local lounge. here would come the old line that racists trot out when they want to prove they are not racist, “but some of my friends are conservative, how can i be biased against them. the fact is, just because i smoke cigars and hang out in a cigar lounge, does not make me, what i am not. i may not be a bleeding heart liberal, but i certainly am proudly “woke” and am currently disgusted by the attempts of some conservatives to “white-wash” history, because the truth makes them uncomfortable and ashamed of what out race did to achieve its current status. my family may not have been present for slavery, but it certainly benefited from the status they got from being white and certainly not the last group on immigrants to arrive on the shore of North America. that does not mean i do not feel the burden of White Male Privilege as it has given me the leg up i needed to rise from the ashes of my addiction. all of that is true, but when i hang out in the cigar store i keep my politics to myself, as i know there are many who do not share my point of view and i prefer to smoke in the company of gracious compatriots, who give as much shit as they take. our connection is sports and cigars, and anything i can do to help keep the atmosphere less than toxic, is a good thing.
the other event was a comment by one of those peers about what i post on a certain social media site, that i have become hyperactive on, of late. i diminished his compliment, instead of accepting it in the spirit it was given, certainly a symptom of false humility, mine. i post for effect and i need to remember that when i affect someone, to let them see my gratitude for taking the time to read my stuff. with that said, it is certainly time to pack this in and head on out to the streets for a bit of a workout, as i have a shit ton of stuff to accomplish today. it is a great day to be living a program of active recovery, on purpose.

∞ DT ∞