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leads to understanding of all sorts of notions and ideas that are foreign and yes even a bit abhorrent to me. the source material used the specific example of how much the notion of GOD is thrown around and i can certainly say, that my understanding of what GOD meant to me, certainly was one of the biggest excuses i could generate for why this would never, ever be a path that i could follow. ironically, here i sit a minute later, writing about a spiritual experience that has given me a new manner in which to live.
this morning, as i run a bit behind due to issues with a bit of hardware that is necessary for me to live, but certainly makes my life a whole lot more pleasurable, i realize that i may have had more than a few issues with religion and the concepts that organized religion attempted to force feed me in my youth, but when i got clean, i was using those issues to build the wall that would take me out. i can say that without a doubt, my “issues” kept me apart from my peers and when i got desperate enough to choose a path, allowed me to see that i had already been chosen by the fellowship that has become my home. the one thing that still gets my goat about that other “A” is their insistence in using Christian concepts and trying to sweep that under the carpet with the broom of “it is traditional.” it is hard for me to accept that they are serious about a HIGHER POWER of my understanding, when they use specific Christian prayer to close their meetings. i am pretty certain that i am not the first one to point that little bit of hypocrisy out, and i certainly will not be the last. no matter how open-minded i may have or have not been, back in those days, that was the one thing that stuck in my craw.
today, i have come to a place where i can listen to how others, especially my peers, see their concept of a POWER that fuels their recovery and be okay with that, as they have the absolute right to find the one that works for them, right here and right now. i encourage all of my peers to steadfast in their journey, as it took me nearly fifteen years to come to a place in mine, where i was finally at peace and comfortably ensconced in a concept that worked for me. having arrived, however, does not mean that my journey has been completed, as i am still allowing myself to feel my way into how this stuff works, and it does work. i know that it is because of this program, that i have the desire to live a life that includes caring for myself: physically, emotionally, mentally and most of all spiritually. i may not see that there is any rewards or punishments after this life, so it is up to me to be the best man i can be and live a life that meets my spiritual ideals, just for today.

∞ DT ∞