Blog entry for:

truthfully the only thing i ever did unconditionally was use. the word surrender was not one i used in my life. so i came to a program where i was told to first to surrender to the disease of addiction, then to the spiritual principles of recovery and finally to the GOD of my understanding.
well fighting, clutching, scratching and biting to get what i wanted was my normal mode of operation and what i thought i had observed in the ‘real’ world. surrendering implied i had to give up, and i was not about to give up anything i had already got, on any terms, especially unconditionally.
so naturally i have had a few problems in recovery that still haunt my life today. i am better at surrendering, but i seem to constantly be negotiating the terms and conditions of that surrender.
after an interesting weekend, and the long roller coaster ride of the two weeks previous, i am ready today to surrender without conditions and accept what comes. i have enough FAITH today to believe that it will be exactly what i need, whether i want it or NOT!
∞ DT ∞