Blog entry for:

wide enough for my old ideas and past wreckage to be cleared, wide enough for the POWER that fuels my recovery to enter. quite honestly the last thing i want to write about today, is unconditional surrender. if i do write about it, than i need to to look at how i am or am not doing so, and what the consequences of those decisions are, for me, and those around me. i see my friends active in their addiction and so desperately want to yank them back into the rooms by their short hairs, and yet the program tells, me that no matter how pure my motives, no matter how well-intentioned i am, i am powerless over them, as well as their addiction, so i need to accept that fact and surrender. work has become less than satisfactory and once again, i may be a part of someone getting let go, and i am not happy about that either. it is unfortunate that she lacks the basic skills to complete what is expected of her, but she does drag the whole team down. the little bit of side work i have to do today, looks like it may consume far more of my day that i first planned for, and that sucks as well. ion fact, as i run through this litany of oh what a fVcked day it is, i begin to sense that what i really need to see, is something else. something just beyond my ken, and something amazing and waiting for me to just open my eyes and see it. yeah, i know how new-agey and mystical that sounds, and perhaps i have been drinking the water over in Boulder for too long, and am starting to get assimilated! or maybe just maybe, i am beginning to sens that being powerless is not such a bad thing at all, all i need to do is let go and allow myself to surrender, once again, to the fact that life is never going to be exactly as i want it. even when it is, i will find something that does not meet my standards, so i might as well just surrender to that fact and move on.
my friends who are using?
they will move along their own path and the time for me to admit my powerlessness and let them go, is long past. so just for right now, i do believe i will commend their care to the POWER that fuels my recovery and move.
the side work?
well i am going to jump into the shower and head on over to check it out.
the situation at work?
not my stuff, the decision to keep someone or let them go, will be outside my control and i have already provided my feedback as to what i think of their skills and abilities.
so off to the trenches, feeling a bit lighter and certainly a bit more cognizant of who and what i am this morning, just another addict.

∞ DT ∞