δ i am powerless; my life is unmanageable, at least by myself alone and my denial will not change that fact. δ
Posted: Wed, Jul 26, 2006 06:10:21 AM
no matter how i try to slice it, facts are facts and for this addict unconditionally surrendering seems the best choice right now. but as i go through my day and get farther and farther away from my morning routine, surrender gets less likely. after all, right now i am thinking about what i read, trying to throw together some words that express what i feel about what i just read, so it is easy for me to surrender unconditionally right now.
honestly i have tried everything on that brief list in the reading to fill the spiritual hole that i seem to have been born with, and absolutely nothing works, with the exception of the love, comfort and relationships i have gained with the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS, that i have received as a result of staying clean and participating in my recovery. and yet as i progress through my day, i seem to forget that filling that void with anything from the mundane world just leads me down a path of requiring more and more, more control, more food, more sex, more rage, just more whatever i choose to substitute for the substances that brought me to my knees what seems like an eternity ago.
i could go on and on about how surrendering unconditionally for at least this moment has brought me great spiritual gifts, and that would be the truth and truthfully more than a bit redundant and boring. i could wax philosophically about the peace of mind that surrender has brought to me, but that is also obvious. right now what i seem to be feeling is a sense of gratitude that i no longer need to try and be in charge if make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care...
... unconditionally surrendering to the program that has given me this incredible new manner of living!
honestly i have tried everything on that brief list in the reading to fill the spiritual hole that i seem to have been born with, and absolutely nothing works, with the exception of the love, comfort and relationships i have gained with the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS, that i have received as a result of staying clean and participating in my recovery. and yet as i progress through my day, i seem to forget that filling that void with anything from the mundane world just leads me down a path of requiring more and more, more control, more food, more sex, more rage, just more whatever i choose to substitute for the substances that brought me to my knees what seems like an eternity ago.
i could go on and on about how surrendering unconditionally for at least this moment has brought me great spiritual gifts, and that would be the truth and truthfully more than a bit redundant and boring. i could wax philosophically about the peace of mind that surrender has brought to me, but that is also obvious. right now what i seem to be feeling is a sense of gratitude that i no longer need to try and be in charge if make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care...
... unconditionally surrendering to the program that has given me this incredible new manner of living!
∞ DT ∞