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a practice, was a real mind-bender for me this morning as i read my source material. i know that the fellowship is trying to present the way we do things in a new manner to attract more dollars, new members and to keep up with the changes inherent in the local fellowships, especially in the US of A. touchy-feely, non-confrontational and more focused on what one feels rather than how one behaves, are changes that i judge to be less than desirable, but with which i am willing to live, if the newcomers keep coming in the doors and sticking around. i know that some of my peers judge my particular path of recovery to be “old-fashioned” and out of touch with reality. i choose to follow a path based solely in what the literature that was written and approved by my fellowship, exactly as it is written, without having to read between the lines to suss out hidden and cryptic meanings. so when i come across something like the reading this morning, i have to pause and consider, precisely what it is saying and what i hear as i sit quietly in the void.
as i wondered how a noun such as a state of being, could become a verb, i had to let go of the semantics of the language used and look at what the words were saying. to practice gratitude, all i have to do is get out of my own way and practice selfless service to the fellowship around me, my peers, my friends, my acquaintances, the men who call me their sponse and those members for whom i do not care. i may think this topic to be a bit of a stretch, but after i sat, i finally got a clue or two how it pertained to me. if i want to practice gratitude, all i have to do is carry the message, be there to listen, offer support when asked for and share honestly and openly about who i and what i am and how being an addict still affects my life, even with a minute clean.
today, as i wrap up my morning chores and get ready to roll on out for a few hours in a smoke-filled room, i know that i am grateful for everything recovery has given me. for me, practicing gratitude means being who i am, just as i am today, with no reservations about what others may or may not think of me. by showing the world i no longer believe that i am broken beyond repair, i get the opportunity to show the world how grateful i am for the path that got me here, even if it appears to be out of touch with the “new” recovery paradigm. it has worked for all these days in a row, so why should i change something that is working so well?

∞ DT ∞