Blog entry for:

to hide all that i want no one to see from everyone in the world. in fact, it might even lead to my self-destruction. good thing i have a sponsor, one that i can trust and in whom i can confide all that causes me shame and angst. these days, after a minute or so clean, there is not a whole lot that happens in a day that activates shame, although a bit of angst seems to be part of my daily diet. if you tuned in here to get a glimpse of one or more of my “dirty little secrets,” sorry to disappoint, as i am not that open to being so exposed to the world in general. it is true, that i tell a whole lot of tales of my struggles with that daily angst here and today will probably be no exception.
lately, i have switched up the meetings i attend, mostly because i was looking for something different, but also because i find having a day without work or a meeting has been restorative to me. what that means, however, is that i am not visible to my local fellowship, or at least not as visible as before and i am losing touch with those who have helped and supported me through many of my travails. i often think that my peers are criticizing my decisions to seek meetings outside of my home town, but that is probably just conceit on my part. it boils down to some of the personalities i am trying to avoid and what could be a learning opportunity for me, is a lesson on how to get away. tonight will probably be no exception, although maybe i will swallow my prejudice and biases and do something different. i am only as sick as my secrets and perhaps it is the FEAR of having my covers pulled by those who know me best, that keeps me looking for places to hide in plain sight.

∞ DT ∞