π€¨ expressing my gratitude π€¨
Posted: Tue, Feb 25, 2025 07:45:49 AM
is a skill that i develop it over time and rely on it to keep addiction in check. peeking back at 366 days ago, i can see that the last time i wrote on this topic, i was all caught up in the drama of one of the men who call me their sponsor. this morning, his drama is not mine, perhaps because he has started to thaw, but more than likely what i have walked through in the past year. as i listened to the void and allowed myself to drift, what came up was the notion that yes, gratitude is more than a state of being, at least in the context of the fellowship that has given me freedom from active addiction. all that stuff a year ago about how i work a program, what i think the program is and how to give away what i have been given, is just chaff that has blown away on the winds of me seeing my way through the storms i thought within which i would be forever trapped. what once was, is no more, what is, has taken its place and i can finally get unstuck.
ironically, over the past year, i have been stating one thing i was grateful for, when i texted one of my peers. it is always based on the source material i read that morning, and this morning it came down to being grateful for the ability to be grateful. as circular and facile as that may seem, it expresses a whole lot of what is going on in my life right now. i have a path forward and the clouds that i felt were obstructing my contentment a year ago have all dissipated.it does not suck to be me this morning. my drive to the office was not as carefree as it was two weeks ago, and yet it was not all that heinous, it simply just was. my workout master tells me that this needs to be a long run day, but i think i am going to choose to do a walk instead, after i get home this afternoon. i know that when i let go and allow myself the freedom just to be, even if it is chewing on a cigar as i navigate my way through Denver, i end up in a much better place. just for today, i am grateful that most of the time i can see a way out of my self-obsession, by practicing a bit of gratitude.
ironically, over the past year, i have been stating one thing i was grateful for, when i texted one of my peers. it is always based on the source material i read that morning, and this morning it came down to being grateful for the ability to be grateful. as circular and facile as that may seem, it expresses a whole lot of what is going on in my life right now. i have a path forward and the clouds that i felt were obstructing my contentment a year ago have all dissipated.it does not suck to be me this morning. my drive to the office was not as carefree as it was two weeks ago, and yet it was not all that heinous, it simply just was. my workout master tells me that this needs to be a long run day, but i think i am going to choose to do a walk instead, after i get home this afternoon. i know that when i let go and allow myself the freedom just to be, even if it is chewing on a cigar as i navigate my way through Denver, i end up in a much better place. just for today, i am grateful that most of the time i can see a way out of my self-obsession, by practicing a bit of gratitude.
∞ DT ∞