Blog entry for:

self-pity, intolerance, dishonesty, perfectionism and arrogance are all behaviors with which i am quite familiar. although i am more than a little consistent with my TENTH STEP practice, one or more of those seem to pop-up on a daily basis. i know my life without them would be far from perfect. i also know that they exists and most of the time i have a choice whether to exercise them or not. most times that is, other times, however, i react and all sorts of sh!t and consequences are the unsavory results. then of course, comes the corrective part of STEP TEN, owning where i did wrong and seeking to make it right. 😭 😭 😭
after spending an afternoon in the ER yesterday, i learned that i had a minimally displaced fracture of my posterior third rib. which is certainly a good news bad news sort of scenario. the good news was that my shoulder girdle and scapula were intact, the bad news is that i have to learn with a rib fracture and figure out how to live my life, without tripping off the pain. to be honest it sucks and i am hoping that in the next five days, the pain subsides for the most part or i learn how to move without pulling the fascia and muscles that are over the fracture. i am getting better at the latter as the former does not seem to be letting up at all. i am however in that forty-eight to seventy-two hour window where it seems injuries are the most troublesome and painful.
i got thrown under the bus this morning at my home group and had to read and share. i chose the daily reading from the other book as my source material, as we had a druggie buggy pull in and bring a whole bunch of FNGs. not that i have a strong message for the newcomer, as it has been a very long minute since i was one of them, but i could share about the dark and desperate days of my denial of who i am and what i needed in my life. at the meeting were two of peers who just may owe me an amends. i am not holding my breath fro either of them to own what they did and my life will go on, with or without them asking for what i have already given to them -- forgiveness. if the day ever comes when they decide to “man up” i know i will be gracious, as the pain of what they have done, no longer smarts. that is a gift of my TENTH STEP as well, deciding whether or not i am worth carrying the garbage of what others have done to me and just for today, i am more valuable as a person than as a hoarder of that garbage.

∞ DT ∞