Blog entry for:

i am here because i was court-ordered to attend. but as i kept coming back, i found that my mind begin to open up, i began the process of change. and boy was that a loud POP when i finally pulled my head out of my a$$! resistant to spiritual principles is putting it mildly, i wanted nothing to do with anything or anyone in recovery, PERIOD! i told everyone exactly that and put up my angriest, most vile wall i could erect to keep you guys away from me and to protect my addict self from being ever countered. in fact, all i wanted to do was learn how to stay abstinent so i could get out of my legal troubles and get back on with my life, i did not even desire the knowledge of how to use just on weekends.
none of those half measures for me! so i came, i sat, i tried not listen and i tried not to hear and i shared the crap that i thought was recovery, so i could look good, and you guys would leave me alone, because it sounded like i was doing this gig so well. what happened? well here is sit over ten years later, still reading the daily reading and thinking about it out loud in cyberspace. so the miracle did happen, i got the willingness to recover by ‘ass’mosis. i am grateful that the POP happened, and that i can be more than i ever was. so i have some responsibilities to deal with, it is off to the real world i go! TTFN

∞ DT ∞